Life is Hell
by Psycho gurl
Summary: Rated PG-13 for dark DARK views on life. A story about Akito and how I see his feelings on his life and the life of those around him. ^_^


Disclaimers: I don't own Fruits Basket. Gods I wish I did, but I don't. I'm just out of luck with finding random anime rights lately…

Notes: Hi! I've never written a Fruits Basket fanfic before, and I've never read any, either, so don't blame me if this has been done before.

This is supposed to be a look into Akito's mind, and how I think he probably felt.

~*Life is Hell*~

            My life is hell.

            No, scratch that. Life is hell. Only the blind and innocent say otherwise. The entire Souma family lives under a curse, we pay dearly. None of us did anything wrong, other than to be born into this damn world. We know there's no happiness to life. False security, a moment of happiness. It doesn't change the fact. We were born into pain and suffering, I could strangle the throat of each and every blind asshole that tries to tell me life is to be lived and to make the best out of it. We DO make the best out of our lives, we're still unhappy.

            You're born, you live a meaningless a life, one filled with pain, and die again. There's no other way to live. People are born every day, people die everyday. Unless you can list every child born and everyone that dies in a day, you can't tell me human life is worth anything. Life is nothing but suffering.

            And what about myself? Born to death because of the freaks in my family. I carry this pain, suffering, early death, because of them. Is that fair? How can I make the best of my life when I can't even live it? You people…I hate all of you. Every time one of you smiles it makes me sick. What the hell could you possibly be smiling for? Life is cruel. It's harsh, cutting, and painful. It's death, suffering, and sadness. How dare you smile and try to defy it.

            Are you meaning to mock me? To show me how you can make a small moment of happiness out of this life for yourself, but can't offer me a single moment. Your smiles, your laughs, do you mean to taunt me with them? I can't afford to be happy. I am responsible. Constant pain, and the overlying knowledge of death, I can't be happy even for a moment. Content maybe, but never happy. Would you still smile if you were I? Would you want to watch everyone walk around you with a smile on his or her face?

            I didn't think so.

            I suffer. I suffer every day, every minute, and every second of what little of my life I get to live. You don't seem to mind me. You run around with your smiles, your happiness. I can't stand it. I'm above you all, but you constantly rub in my face what I can't have. I can't stand it at all. I want to see you break, cry. I want you to know how I feel. I want you to understand how lonely, how painful this is. We're all freaks; we're destined to be lonely. Society doesn't accept people like us. I want them to see you; I want them to hate you. I want you to stop smiling.

            If I can't smile, I don't want the people underneath me to smile, either. I heard from someone once, that you shouldn't brag about something you possess. You should be reserved and quiet about it, so someone less fortunate than you doesn't feel bad. If I can't smile, none of you can. I'm no less fortunate than any of you! I'm above you! How dare you disrespect me like that! I didn't deserve this pain and suffering any more than the rest of you! You don't have the right to be happy while I suffer!

            And Honda Tohru. Another one of those people, running around with that smile on their face, claiming life is to be lived. If she were in my position, what would she do? Would she still smile like that? Hell, that's a pointless question. The girl is an idiot, and delusional. Of course she'd smile. She'd smile and say that she'd 'make the best out of this life while she had it.' Idiot. Stupid idiot. I can't stand it. I can't stand the way she works. She gets into your head, and tries to sympathize with you. She can't understand me. She can't. No one can. If only she HAD lived my life. I wish I could watch it. Watch her suffer, writhe in pain at night when you can't stand up or scream to get someone to help you. Only hope someone will find you and see how badly it's hurting you.

            My life is pain suffering and death. My life can't change, I don't expect anyone else's to, either…

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WHEE! I ADORE AKITO! I dunno why, I just always have. As I mentioned before, I haven't written or read Fruits Basket before, so I'm not sure if this has been done. This is how I see Akito's inner mind. This is how I view his reasons, his explanation. This is how I see his thoughts and actions. I dunno, I'm strange like that.

Please, if you're going to review, be nice about it. My feelings get hurt easily…


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